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Dylan Michalchuk

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[10th of April, 2005]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Flew back in from New York late Saturday night. I slept pretty much the entire flight, but I was still pretty much exhausted so I went back to my dorm, expecting to just sleep the entire night. I found my roommates throwing a party, though, so that didn't go over well. I had a drink, talked to a couple of guys, then went back to Evan's dorm with him. We talked for a while, then I fell asleep there.

New York was amazing. The first night we got there, we all went to some club. I danced and had a good time. I didn't drink at all, so that was good. We had a game the next day at 9 AM, which we won. I didn't get to play, but I got to pretty much coach the whole thing. The rest of the time we had hotel room parties (with lots and lots of girls), I drank, sat on the bench and watched my team, and didn't sleep.

I just got back from Marco's a little bit ago. We discussed things. And I still miss him so much. I had a good time, it was good to hang out with him again.

Most of the guys on my floor had started up a broom floor-hockey game, which was one I actually could play. I was playing goalie, standing in front of someone's trash can and using my crutch as a hockey stick. It lasted about an hour. I had a blast.

I miss hockey so damn much.

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[5th of April, 2005]
[ mood | okay ]

So sorry that it's been so long since I updated. I've been so busy lately... even without hockey, my who life is so hectic. I had to write some ten page essay recently for a class I'm lacking in, so I was concentrating on that. And the coach calls me down to his office every four hours or so to discuss some team strategy. I guess he respects my opinion now, which is cool.

Marco and I also decided to take a break for now. And he's with Tyler now, so I'm happy for him. And jealous as hell. What's wrong with me? I've met a few guys recently too. We've had some good times. Except now that it doesn't have the thrill it used to, it completely bores me. Sleeping with these guys only makes me realize how badly I actually want a relationship.

I got so drunk last night. I don't remember a thing I did or said. And now I'm a liar too. I didn't even have a beer. So, you know, if I was talking to one of you Tyler just forgive me if I said anything dumb. I'm sure you all know I'm really not like that.

I could stand to hang out with people more often. So uh, if no one has plans in the upcoming week, get a hold of me and we could hang out! Later.

God I miss him.

Edit: Forgot to mention, I leave for a hockey tournament in New York (the one some of you guys helped me raise money for forever ago) tomorrow at 6 AM, and don't get back until late Saturday night/Sunday morning. So I'll be pretty much unreachable until then. Uh... wish us luck?

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[29th of March, 2005]
[ mood | blank ]

I think everyone realizes how... not nice I was last night. Marco and I got into a pretty heated argument. I have this problem, where when one person says something to me, I immediately get defensive. I can never drop the subject, or forgive that person right away. I'm the type of guy who would get grounded for a night for not cleaning my room, then end up being grounded for a month after arguing back with my parents.

So maybe you guys all think what I want is irrational. I have had, I guess, an amazing boyfriend, but I pretty much blew it. On top of that, my injury might be worse than the doctors originally though, so I have to get it checked out again tomorrow. This could mean byebye hockey career. But I guess it's a slim chance.

And then, to make matters worse, the one guy that I ruined everything I had for isn't exactly talking to me. Evan came to my dorm last night, like he has for a while, but I immediately pushed him away. I told him I wasn't in the mood for any of his bs. His boyfriend is clueless about it all, and I told him I didn't want to put up with it anymore. We got in an argument and today he's totally ignoring me.

After class today I went to hockey practice. I'm pretty much the designated towel boy. And that bites. But I'm also sort of an assistant coach, which isn't bad. After practice, I went home and talked to my mom for like five hours. I actually cried in front of her. She tried to make me feel better about everything, and I guess it worked a little bit. But not much.

My roommates are fed up with me. I guess I have been just lying around the dorm and sulking. They don't think it's fair that I spend so much time in the room, so I promised that I would get out as much as possible.

I don't know what else to say. I wish I could just magically fix everything with Marco and go back to our near-perfect relationship. On the other hand, meeting all these guys is great. I feel so free. It's not a good thing but it's almost an addictive feeling. I don't know. All right, I'll leave it here. Later.

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[24th of March, 2005]
[ mood | crushed ]

Yeah, I'm sure most of you have heard. I asked Marco for a more.. open relationship. It's not because I'm bored, definitely not because I don't love him. It's because I think this is what I need right now. It may be the most cliched saying in the world, but I really do need to find myself. And it's not like we still wouldn't be together. It would just be me not worrying about doing things I'll do and then regret.

Yeah so last entry. The regret part. I made out with Evan another guy a little while ago. It was a stupid thing to do and I felt horrible about it, but I didn't exactly.. tell Marco right away. And I realize that I should have. But I didn't, so there's that. It finally came up again though. Because of me breaking down and telling Tyler, and him telling me to tell Marco, and that resulting in being the only thing I thought about for the next forty-eight hours.

This is where the crutches part comes in. During practice, we were doing a little scrimmage thing. I was playing, not even paying attention to what I was doing, and just thinking about telling him. The two slowest guys on our team (also the biggest... think a troll breeding with an elephant and you have these guys) came at me, but I didn't even realize it until a second before they hit.

The first guy was surprised that I didn't move, and he fell straight on me. I smacked down on the ice and my ankle bent back funny. Then the second guy tumbled down. He fell straight on to my already-funnily-bent ankle. It popped and hurt badly, I screamed in pain, the coach yelled at me for not paying attention, then two guys helped me get to the team trainer, who wrapped it for me.

I went to the doctor first thing the next morning. Found out it was broken, but it's injured pretty badly... I'll be on crutches for the next four to six weeks. Which means no hockey. Which means my life is over. And that sucks.


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